


Voltron Nine-Nine — Season 1

by orphan_account



Series: Voltron Nine-Nine [1]
Category: Brooklyn nine-nine, Voltron - Fandom
Genre: Also he’s ooc, Crack Fic, F/F, F/M, Funny, M/M, Multi, Ryan kinkade is terry, Ulaz and thace are hitchcock and skully, Voltron as Brooklyn Nine-Nine, adam is kevin, all claims to Voltron and Brooklyn Nine-nine, allura is rosa, another tag just for fun, basically crack, basically just their names, brooklyn nine nine plot & script, except they’re very ooc, hunk is boyle, i said that already, just basically Brooklyn Nine-nine, keith is amy, lance is jake, lotor is adrian, nyma is sophia, pidge is gina, rolo is teddy, shay is genevieve, shiro is holt, voltron characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 13:37:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16577537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When tightly wound Capt. Shiro takes over the precinct, carefree Det. Lance McClain and his dysfunctional coworkers’ lives get demanding.





	Voltron Nine-Nine — Season 1

**Author's Note:**

> none of this belongs to me.  
> Story is Brooklyn Nine-Nine, copied word for word.  
> Voltron characters.,
> 
> * mature humor *  
> * mentions of sex and violence *

“This job is eating me alive.” Lance spoke, directly at no-one he wore a blue t-shirt with a black, leather jacket. His police badge was strung around his neck. “I can’t breathe anymore. I spent all these years trying to be the good guy. The man in the white hat. I’m not becoming like them. I am them”

“Hey! What are you doing, weirdo?” Keith called, interrupting Lance’s monologue and ripping his attention towards him. Keith wore a denim blue blazer, his badge pinned to it, with a red button-up shirt underneath.

“I’m doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco. Or actually-“ Lance turned his head to all the faces of TV’s broadcasting his face in the electronics store. “Ten of me are doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco.”

Lance turned his head back to the camera in front of him. “What’s up!” He smirked.

“Get it together, man, okay?” Keith said before turning back to the store owner, continuing with his job.

“So the store was hit about two hours ago. They took mostly tablets, laptops, and cameras.” He summarized, holding a note pad in hand.

Suddenly a noise interrupted them as they both looked over at Lance who was fiddling with a keyboard, playing 80’s hip-hop beats. He turned it off when they looked over. “Sorry.”

Keith gave him a look before rolling his eyes and turning back to the store owner. “I’d like a list of all your employees, whoever had access to the store.” He clicked his pen and flipped the note pad closed. “I’d also like to apologize for my partner, his parents didn’t give him enough attention.”

“Ah, detective! I already solved the case.” Lance called as Keith turned to glare at him. “We’re looking for 3 white males, one of whom has sleeve tats on both arms.”

“And how do you know that?” Keith scoffed, obviously not believing one of Lance’s self proclaimed solves.

“I had an informant on the inside.” Keith’s eyebrows furrowed, confused yet intrigued. “He’s been here for years. Watching, learning, waiting. His code name?” 

Lance moved his arm to grab a yellow teddy bear on a shelf. He put the bear infront of him to show Keith. “Fuzzy Cuddle Bear.”

He spun the bear around, showing an open back with a camera inside. “He’s a Nani cam!”

Keith sighed, scoffing. Disappointed Lance got to it first. “You got lucky.”

“No, I got here five minutes before you and figured that in this gigantic electronics store there had to be at least one working camera.” Lance plugged the bear in as it broadcasted an image onto one of the TV’s

“Oh! Hi bad guys!” Lance then grabbed the bear, smiling down on it. “You did it, fuzzy, you busted ‘em. It’s time to come home.”

Lance then proceeded to hold the bear up to Keith, voicing it over in a deep voice. “I’m not sure if I can. I’ve been undercover so long, I’ve forgotten who I am. I’ve seen terrible things. I haven’t known the touch of a man in many moons.”

“Alright.” Keith rolled his eyes, walking away.

“Detective Kogane!” Lance called, still imitating the bear. “Don’t walk away from me!”

In no time, the criminals were caught and Lance and Keith walked them back to the police station for questioning.

\- - - - -

99th Precinct  
Morning Briefing  
8:31am

“Yes, I did crack the case.” Lance smirked, looking at all his coworkers. “So, Kogane, will you do the honors?”

Keith sighed, turning in his chair and walking up to the white board. Everyone in the briefing room cooed. “OHHH!”

Keith picked up a whiteboard duster, rubbing out the number bellow Lance’s name changing it from 23 to 24. “I hate this.” He grumbled. Looking over at his number of 22.

“Ah, Yeah. You’re just gonna wanna add one. I’m winning!” He teased. 

The briefing room began clapping as Keith capped the market and turned to sit down.

“It’s a good feeling, it’s a good feeling. Yeah.” Lance said smugly to the room of clapping detectives. 

“Enjoy it whole it lasts.” Keith said, before taking his seat again.

“I will!”

Ryan stood infront of the room, addressing his coworkers and calming them down. “LM, update on the Morgenthau murder?” 

“Yeah!” Lance said, getting up. “Good news for all you murder fans.” A few people laughed as he walked to the front. 

“Earlier this morning someone decided to shoot and kill luxury food importer Henry Morgenthau.” He informed everyone. “Body was found by the cleaning lady,” he began flicking through slides on the TV. “During her interview, I deduced, using expert detective work, that she had something super gross on her chin.”

The screen changed to an older women with red hair and glasses, with some food on her chin. Everyone groaned disgustingly at the sight. 

“It was Flan.” Hunk said, moving a coffee cup away from his lips before taking another sip.

“Hunk thinks it was Flan, I think it was butterscotch pudding.” Ryan stood behind, placing his hands on his hips sighing.

“Maybe it was just old person gunk.” Allura called, black boots on the table, arms crossed across her chest. “You know how old people always have that gunk on them. 

“Oldie gunk, could be Yeah. Anyone else?” Lance asked.

“How ‘bout we focus of the murder and not the old person gunk.” Ryan called, butting into their little game. 

“Crime techs are at the scene now. We’re heading back when they’re done.” Keith interrupted, telling ryan the exact story. 

“Okay, I want you on this. It’s gonna be priority one for the new C.O.” Ryan said.

“Wait, tell us about the new captain.” Allura called.

“Captain Shiro will be here soon. He’ll want to introduce himself. Dismissed.” The room broke almost instantly.

\- - -

Pidge sat at her desk, writing notes down.

“Hey Pidge,” Hunk called as he walked over. He sat down, facing the women who just looked up. “Do you know any scalpers? I wanna ask Allura to go to the Rihanna concert with me, but it’s sold out.”

“Okay, two points to make here.” Pidge said to him. “First, Rihanna... you... and then Rihanna!” She said, having her hands as jazz hands. 

“What’s your second point?” He shook his head.

“She’s got a type. Which is really anyone but you.”

“Yeah, That was my ex-wife’s type too.” Hunk said, staring off into space.

“Look, a Rihanna concerts a pretty big swing, man. I don’t know. She’s into watching old movies.”

“Cool.” Hunk said, placing his hand out and pointing to her before dropping it. “Where would I find a place that shows old movies?”

“Oh, yeah, just go on the internet and search for the phrase ‘I want to buy two movie tickets for a girl who doesn’t like me’.”

“Great. That you.” Hunk said, getting up from his seat.

“Good.” Pidge called, returning back to her work. 

\- - -

“Hey, you heard anything about the new captain?” Keith asked Lance as he grabbed rubbish off Lance’s desk and sat down on it, tossing the rubbish away.

“Uh, no. And I don’t care.” Lance admitted. “I just wish Captain McGintley never left, he was the best.” 

“He was terrible.” Keith said exasperated, “You just like him ‘cause he let you do anything you wanted.” Keith said, crossing his arms.

~ 

Lance and Allura sat next to each other, holding fire extinguishers on roller chairs.

“On your marks, get set...” Lance called.

“Go.” Ulaz said quietly yet no one heard him as the captain’s door opened. 

“What the Hell’s going on around here?” The captain asked, looking at how the workplace was set out.

“Fire extinguisher roller chair derby?” Lance admitted hopefully, looking at the captain.

“Okay.” He said, turning back to his office.

“And go!” Pidge yelled.

Lance and Allura realeased the fire extinguishers and went flying across the precinct in whoops of joy and laughter.

~ 

“What’s your point?” Lance asked Keith.

Keith sighed. “If I’m ever gonna make captain, I need a good mentor. I need my Rabbi.”

“Sorry, dude. But this new guys gonna be another washed-up pencil pusher who’s only concerned with,” Lance moved his arms, imitating a robot, “following every rule in the patrol guide. Meep morp zeep. Robot Captain Engage.”

“Is that what you think?” A new voice interrupted him.

Lance spun quickly around to see a buff, asian man behind him.

“He-Hey! New captain alert.” Lance said, standing up and laughing awkwardly. “You must be the new C.O. I’m Detective Lance McClain. Great to meet you.” Faces of his coworkers around, especially Keith and Pidge were smirking at him.

“Now don’t let me interrupt. You were describing what kind of person I was gonna be. I’d like you to finish.” The new captain said with a straight face. 

“That’s not necessary.” Lance said. Upon the new Captain’s stone cold face he quickly said, “or I could recap very quickly, sure.”

Keith nodded at him, enjoying this way too much.

“Um, let’s see. I think I said some joke about being a washed-up pencil pusher. Which—”

“Now do the robot voice.”

Lance’s face immediately dropped his embarrassed smile and took on one much more scared. 

“The robot voice you were doing when you implied I’m a rule-following robot. I want to hear it again.” The whole room was silent and watching. A few people smirking but most with looks that read “ohhh shit, you in for it.”

Keith smiled, looking straight at Lance when Lance looked for support, wanting him to continue.

Lance sighed. “Meep morp... zarp. Robot.” He said in a much less energetic way than before.

Keith smiled, obviously enjoying this. Pidge smiling not far behind.

“That’s a terrible robot voice.” Captain informed Lance.

“Yep.” He nodded.

“The next time I see you, I’d like you to be wearing a neck tie.” The Captain said, before walking toward his office. Keith looked at him with amazement. 

“Oh, uh, actually the last captain didn’t care if we wore ties”

“Well, your new captain does, and more importantly he cares if you follow his direct orders.” He then turned to face everyone else.

“Everyone, I’m your new commanding officer, Captain Takashi Shirogane.”

“Speech!” Keith called enthusiastically.

“That was my speech.”

“Short and sweet.” Keith said nodding his head and giving a thumbs up.

“Sergeant Kinkade, a word.” Shiro called.

“Yes, sir.” Ryan said, stepping forward and following Shiro into his office.

Keith sighed, turning to Lance. “I love that guy.”

“Same!” Lance said sarcastically.

“He’s so suave.” Pidge said. “Does anyone get a little bit of a gay vibe?”

Everyone gave her confused looks.

“No? Okay.”

\- - -

“Sergeant, you were in the 1-8 with me.” Shiro said, placing a name stand on his new desk. “Though you were significantly...”

“Fatter, sir.” Ryan provided. “They called me ‘Ryan Titties’ because I had large, uh-“

“Titties, yes I remember. I never liked that nickname. Though to be fair it was accurate.” Shiro quickly changed the conversation to one of business. “What’s it say here about you being on administrative leave?”

“A year ago, my wife and I had twin baby girls.” He opened his wallet to show a photo for reference. “Nadia and Ina.”

“They have adorable cubby cheeks.” Shiro observed.

“Every since, I kinda got scared of getting hurt. Lost my edge.” Ryan admitted. “There was an incident in a department store.”

~ 

“Hey, man, you okay? You look a little jumpy.” Lance whispered over to Terry, both had guns pointed down and at the ready. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Ryan said.

Metal clanging noise was heard and Ryan’s instinct kicked in.

“AHH!!” He screamed, holding his gun out and furiously shooting a figure until he was out of bullets. Turned out to be a mannequin.

The mannequin fell to the ground with a large bang.

“I think he’s dead.” Lance smiled.

~

“And I’m still not right.” Ryan admitted.

Shiro nodded before standing up to walk to his window which looked out on the precinct. “Tell me about your Detective squad.

Ryan cleared his throat before turning around himself. “Um, Well, Ulaz and Thace, they’re pretty much worthless, but they make good coffee.”

“Copy that.”

“Now the good ones.” Ryan nodded his head.

“Allura Altea.” He pointed out the window in her direction. “Tough, smart, hard to read, and really scary.” As Ryan told Shiro about her, Allura hit her computer as it stopped working. She then proceeded to hit it, each hit getting harder and more violent until she was shaking it.

~

“Tell me who has me for secret Santa.” Allura said as she walked up to Thace at the copy machine.

“No! That takes all the fun out of it!” Thace smiled. 

Allura’s face morphed into one intimidating and Thace’s smiled immediately dropped. “It’s Ulaz. He got you a scarf. I’ll make him return it.” He said fearfully.

“Yes you will.” Allura replied before walking away. 

~

Ryan pointed out the window to Hunk. “Hunk Garret. He’s a grinder. Not the most brilliant detective, but he works harder than anyone else.” As Ryan described Hunk, Hunk balanced his phone on his shoulder while he moved around a large pile of paperwork. “He’s not physically gifted.”

~

Hunk stood in the kitchen, peeling a wrapper off a muffin before dropping it.

“Oh man! My muffin.”

As he bent down to pick it up he banged his head on the bench.

“AHH!” He screamed in pain, stepping back to regain balance whilst stepping on his muffin and squishing it into the floor.

“Oh, my head! My muffin, my head!” He looked down to his muffin to see him standing on it. “And I stepped on the—on my muffin! And my head and my muffin!”

~

“Keith Kogane.” Keith was seen playing with a stress ball made out of rubber bands as he looked down at his papers. “He hasn’t had the best childhood so he’s always trying to prove he’s tough.” 

~

Keith started to drip a little hot sauce on his sandwich. 

“Careful, that stuff’s pretty hot.” Ulaz said from beside him, not looking up from his work.

“Oh, is it? Hmm?” He said, reopening the bottle and drenching his sandwich in hot sauce.

He took a large bite as the sauce dripped everywhere, then made a pained face as if he was on fire, coughing out some of his bite.

~

“Him and McClain have some big bet over who gets more arrests this year.” Ryan turned back to Shiro. “Every since the bet, their numbers have gone way up.”

Shiro nodded out the window. “Tell me about McClain.”

Lance held out a toy police, studying it close to his face as Ryan explained to Shiro what he was like. “Lance McClain is my best detective. He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles.” Ryan paused.

“The only puzzle he hasn’t solved, is how to grow up.”

“That was very well put.” Shiro said, his eyes leaving Lance and back onto Ryan.

“I’ve talked a lot about Lance in my departmentally mandated therapy sessions.”

“Look, you know my history. You know how important this is to me. The precinct is doing fine, but I want to make it the best on in Brooklyn. And I need your help.”

“Absolutely, sir.” Ryan said, shaking Shiro’s hand. “Where do we start?”

Shiro looked out the window, watching Lance dance over to Keith, singing out of tune, “what is happening!”

“We start with him.”

\- - -

Morgenthau’s Apartment  
1:15pm

Detectives and police stood around the apartment, note pads in hands. 

“Okay, so the perp came in through the window, left the muddy red footprint, and apparently had sex with the dish rack.” Lance informed, pointing to the places as he mentioned them.

“Shell casing found here. Two shots. Bang, Bang.” Keith said, holding his arm out as a gun.

“Great work detective, you get a tie.” Lance said, chucking a tie at Keith as he walked over. 

“Hey, that’s mine. You took it from my desk.” Hunk said, looking up from his notes. 

“That’s right, Hunk! Good solve! Tie for you.” 

“Thanks!” Hunk caught the tie tossed at him while Allura laughed.

“Now everyone be sure to put those on because it’s impossible to solve crimes unless you’re wearing a tie.” Lance said loudly, smiling.

“Lay off the captain.” Keith said. “That man is going to be my rabbi.”

“Okay first of all, when you use the word ‘rabbi,’ you know that turns me on and that’s unfair in the work environment.” Keith smiled, sighing at his notes. “Secondly, your rabbi is a pain in my ass.”

Hunk turned around. “Yeah, He’s a little too serious. What do you think Allura?”

“He seems cool.”

“Yeah, He seems cool. I agree.” Hunk immediately changed his mind. 

Allura spoke up, looking at a note pad. “Looks like the perp stole a computer, a watch and a jamon iberico ham, valued at— what! $6000.” She smiled.

“$6000 for a ham?” Lance asked.

“Jamon iberico is an amazing cured ham from Spain. They had it at my uncles funeral. I gorged myself at that funeral. I mean, I was constipated for 3 days.”

“Wow, that’s a great story, Hunk. Thank you.” Lance said sarcastically, hand on chin.

Hunk chuckled.

“Alright, listen up, everybody. Better contact Captain Shiro, let him know we got s ten-tie stituation.”

Keith smiled as Shiro walked into the scene behind Lance. “Speaking of ties, where’s yours, meep morp?”

“This is fantastic.” Lance muttered. “Captain, Hey!” Lance said as he spun around. Welcome to the murder. What are you doing here?”

“I like to know what my detectives are up to. That okay by you?” Shiro stated.

“Yep.”

“Take Kogane and knock on doors. See if the neighbors heard anything.” Keith straightened up after hearing his name.

“Door duty? It’s a waste of time!” Lance complained.

Shiro ignored the complaint as he adressed the other two detectives. “Altea and Garrett,. Check in with the coroner. Report back to me in an hour.” He ordered before walking away.

Lance sighed. “That went well.”

“No, it didn’t.” Shiro called from outside the room.

“He’s got like super hearing.” Lance rolled his eyes. 

\- - -

“Hey Allura! Allura. Allura!” Hunk called as he ran after her before she could get into her car.

“Um, I just happened to notice that there’s an old movie festival playing at the film forum this week. Wanna go?”

“Sure.” Allura said.

“Cool! Awesome.” Hunk clapped, surprised she agreed. Allura started to get in her car. “There’s a bunch of movie options, I’ll probably go with something classic. Like Citizen Kane.”

“Citizen Kane is terrible. Pick a good movie.” Allura told him, strapping in her seatbelt. 

“Good call. Smart.” Hunk said as she started her car engine and drove off. “I’ll do it. I’ll pick s better movie than Citizen Kane.”

\- - -

“So, Katie. Civilian administrators like yourself often have their ear to the ground. What do Kogane and McClain have riding on this bet of theirs?” Shiro asked Pidge as he stood at his desk.

“I will tell you on six conditions. Number one, you let use your office to practice my dance movies. Second-“

“How about this? If you tell me..”

“Mm-hmm.”

“I won’t have you suspended... without pay.”

Pidge sat up, intrigued. “Oh, that sounds great.”

“Okay, the deal is if Keith gets more arrests, Lance has to give him his car. It’s an old mustang, and it’s pretty sweet.” Pidge told Shiro. “If he get’s more arrests, Keith has to go on a date with him. Lance guarantees it will end in sex. I bet on at least some over-the-clothes action. At the very least some touching..”

“No, that’s enough, Katie.”

“Caresses. I could see Lance showing up in a silk robe.” Pidge continued despite Shiro’s protests.

“That’s enough, Katie.”

“All right.”

“Thankyou.”

\- - -

Morgenthau’s building  
Door duty  
1:45pm

“Let the wasting of time begin!” Lance called before knocking on a door.

“Hello, sir. Can we ask a few questions?” Keith asked as the man who opened the door looked down the hallway.

The people in his apartment peered their heads to see what was up.

“Definitely, Yeah. I’m actually— I’m super glad you guys are here right now. Are you smelling that weed smell?”

Lance and Keith both nodded. “Yeah.”

“‘Cause a dude broken in, smoked weed, and bolted.” He laughed. “It’s-“

“You think it’s the same dude that left that bong there in the floor?” Lance asked.

The man and all apartment occupants looked down to where he was referring to.

“Yes.”

 

Lance knocked on the next door.

“Police!”

A man opened the door slightly, looking out scared at whoever knocked at his door. 

“Hello.” Keith said.

“Hello.” The man replied.

“What’s your name?”

“My name?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Mlepnos.” He told them.

“Can you spell that, please?” Keith asked.

“M-L-E-P-Clay.” He said slowly.

Lance raised his eyebrows whilst Keith furrowed his.

“Did you say ‘Clay’?”

“Yes, the ‘Clay’ is silent.” He said.

“All right, got it.” Keith sighed. Lance smirked over his notes.

Keith grabbed out a picture of the victim and showed it to Mlepnos. “Have you seen this man before? He was shot last night.”

Mlepnos held his hand out and grabbed the photo to take a closer look.

“Oh, thank you!” He said as he took the photo inside and closed the door.

“No, sir, that’s ours. We need that. We—“

“And he kept it.” Lance sighed.

 

“Wall Street journal on the doormat, top floor apartment. 20 bucks says this guy’s like a hot, eligibile bachelor.” Keith bet against Lance.

Lance considered it. “I’ll take that action.” He said before knocking on the door.

“Police! Open up!”

An old man with a fluid tube on his face opened the door. He had a large bald spot on the top of his head.

Keith looked angry while Lance laughed. “Ohohoh! Hello, sir! How are you today? I am detective right-all-the-time, and this is my partner detective terrible detective.” Lance smiled while Keith rolled his eyes, biting hard on his tongue.

\- - -

Hunk, Allura, Lance, Keith and Shiro all stood around in a semi-circle, explaining information they’d gathered.

“No surprises from the coroner. Few gunshots, shoulder and chest.” Hunk informed.

“None of the neighbors saw or heard anything. And what’s worse, Kogane struck out with a 92-year-old.” Lance said, pointing fingers straight at Keith.

“That is not accurate, sir.” Keith immediately said.

“Wait, you hooked up with him? Ugh!” Lance said while Allura snickered.

“All right, hit the pawn shops and canvass the neighborhood.” Shiro ordered. “And while you’re out, you can buy yourself a tie.” Shiro pointed to McClain.

“Oh, actually, sir... I’m wearing a tie right now.” Lance said. He lifted his shirt and around his belly was his tie. “Check it out. Secret tie.”

“First of all, I think you’re kind of overdoing it with the manscaping. But more importantly, detective, why do you refuse to take my orders seriously?” Shiro said to Lance before speaking to the group.

“Does anyone here know why it’s so important to me that you all dress appropriately?”

Everyone stood silent, eyes searching around for any clues.

“Hmm. Four highly trained detectives and not one of you can solve this simple mystery.” Shiro said. Keith looked down ashamed.

“I wanna be briefed on any new developments. Any questions?” Shiro said, starting to walk away.

“I was gonna ask you if you thought I was doing too much manscaping, but we solved that one. So I’m good.” Shiro walked away.

“Hey, Garrett.” Lance said.

“Yep.”

“What about this fancy ham stuff?”

“Jamon iberico.” Hunk corrected.

“Yes. The perp left a really expensive TV but then stole ham? It doesn’t make sense. Is there a place nearby the crime scene that sells it?” Lance asked.

Hunk thought for a second before his eyes widened. “Beneficio’s might.”

“Let’s go.” Lance said, grabbing his jacket from his desk.

“You gotta brief the C.O. first.”

“We’ll brief him after we catch the guy.” Lance started walking towards the elevator while Hunk looked at the captain’s office unsure before following lance out the door.

\- - -

Beneficio’s Gourmet Market  
1:45pm

“My name is Ratko. I don’t know anything.” The manager said to Hunk and Lance.

“Oh, okay. You recognize this guy? Henry Morgenthau?”

Ratko didn’t even look at the picture. “No.”

“Maybe, actually look at the picture.” Lance smiled.

“I don’t know him. I don’t know what happened. No more questions.”

“Well, why don’t I run a scenario past you, Ratko, and you tell me what you think?”

“You do know Morgenthau. He came here and tried to sell you some hams. You knew they were a lot of money, so you tried to steal them from him when he wasn’t home. Only he was home so you shot him.” Lance said quickly. “Does that sound familiar.”

The man sat up from his hunched position, unpleased.

“Uh, maybe some role play will jog your memory?” Lance suggested, looking over at Hunk.

“Great idea.” 

“Okay, yeah.”

“Uh so I’m—I’m Ratko.” Hunk said.

“No, no, I’m Ratko.” Lance told him.

“Come on! I’m always the victim.” Hunk complained.

“Look, I’m not doing this with you right here.” Lance whispered.

“Fine, fine.” Hunk agreed, clearing his throat. “Oh! I’m Henry Morgenthau, owner of delicious and expensive hams. Don’t I know you from the grocery store?” Hunk improvised.

“Kill! And scene.” Lance said, holding a finger gun up to Hunks head.

Lance smiled at the manager, who a second later pushed what he could from the counter top and started sprinting.

“NYPD! Everyone Down!” Lance yelled as he and Hunk jumped over the counter to chase Ratko.

Lance tried to get around an old women, gun pointed to the ceiling. “Ma’am, if you could just get down. Or... ignore me, and continue shopping. Garrett, get the door!”

“On it!” 

“Ratko!” Lance called, gun pointed down as he moved around the store.

Suddenly, Ratko came from around the corner, knocking the gun out of Lance’s hand and sprinting.

“Ratko!” Hunk yelled.

The man held onto Lance and bashed him against a food rack.

“Ow!” Lance yelled.

Lance fought back, bashing Ratko against the food rack instead. “Ha ha ha!” He yelled in triumph.

Ratko grunted, throwing Lance straight onto Hunk, who had now moved to help Lance, knocking the two over.

He then sprinted again, back over the counter and began throwing food at the two to slow them from standing back up. 

“Ow! Ratko! Ow!” Lance yelled. 

“Woah, woah woah, woah! Ratko!” Hunk yelled at the same time.

“I’m getting mad!” Lance yelled.

“That’s a waste of manchego!” Hunk yelled. 

“Hunk!” Lance pointed down one way and Hunk followed where he pointed.

Lance turned his head around a corner where the old lady from before was still shopping. “How are you still here?”

“Lance!” Hunk screamed, his face getting squished into a tub of ice cream. “Little help!”

“Ratko! He’s not going anywhere, Lance!” Hunk screamed.

“Ratko!” Lance yelled.

“I got him! I got him! Don’t worry!” Hunk yelled, crawling out of the ice cream.

Lance caught up to Hunk, angry Ratko had gotten away.

\- - -

“So no, I did not brief you.” Lance told Shiro as the two stood in his office. “And yes, he did get away. But, some bonus good news! I got you hazelnut!” Lance said, holding out a cup of ice cream.

Shiro looked down infuriated as Lance placed the cup of ice cream before him. “And.. a little spoon there for you.” Lance whispered. 

Shiro looked up exasperated.

\- - -

Lance sighed as he stood in the records room.

“Is he seriously assigning me to the records room?” He said, plopping a file hard on the desk. Keith and Ryan stood before him. Ryan disappointed while Keith looking like Christmas came early. “I mean why do we even have a records room? Computer’s been invented, right? I didn’t dream it?”

“You’re lucky, man.” Ryan told him. “I wish I could assigned here full-time. You could not be farther from the action.” Ryan said looking around the room. 

“Sergeant, you know me. I have more arrests than anyone. Will you please tell the captain how dumb it is to lock his best detective in a file cabinet?”

Keith placed a hand out. “Second best.”

“You’re wrong about Shiro. That man has forgotten more about being a cop than you will ever know.” Ryan told him. “In 1981, he caught the disco strangler.”

~

A younger version of Shiro walked down a dark alley way in the middle of the night.

He held his gun up. “It’s over, disco man! Put down the yo-yo and back away from the girl.”

A man with a brown afro held a blue LED yo-yo, string around the young girl’s neck. The yo-yo fell on the remainder of string.

~

“Wow.” 

“The man is the real deal. You need to listen to him.” Ryan told Lance.

“Gonna be hard to win our bet when you’re on the bench, McClain.” Keith smirked. “Although, I did start a new category.”

Keith held up a large note book. “Murders we let go.” He read. “And look at that. You’re winning!” He smiled, placing the book down on the records room desk. Lance made a face.

“Have fun with you’re files!” Keith called, walking out of the room.

“Yeah, you know what, I will have fun with my files! Have fun with you’re face!” Lance called, slamming the gate-door after him. It swung straight open.

“Slam!” He called. “That was a slam.”

\- - -

Allura walked up to Hunk and kicked his desk, startling him and making him turn to her.

“So, what movie did you get us tickets to?” She asked.

“Oh, well, just to be safe, I bought tickets to all of them.”

“Just to be safe? What does that mean?” Allura asked. 

“I don’t know, I didn’t want to mess up because you’re sort of... opinionated.” Hunk smiled.

“You think I’m opinionated? Okay, here’s an opinion for you. You’re a bad judge of character and your shirt looks like vomit.”

“So we can go see North by Northwest.” Hunk started.

“We’re not seeing a movie together.”

“Good call, smart.” Hunk said whilst Allura walked off. “Keep it profesh.”

Pidge held up a big thumbs up from her desk.

Hunk nodded, pretending to be happy.

Pidge smiled and turned her thumb upside down and blew a large raspberry, then mimicked an explosion.

Hunk nodded.

\- - -

Shiro knocked on the wall outside th records room before walking inside.

“Hey, Captain.” Lance sighed from the desk.

“So you found something?” Shiro asked. “Hey, I like the tie.”

“I you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” Lance said. He took a deep breath. “Anyway, I think I got something good here. Turns out the name ‘Ratko’ is made up. But, I was digging through these files—one of which I literally found in a spiderweb. And it turns out there were a bunch of references to a Serbian thug, street names ‘the rat’ and ‘the butcher,’ who’s known to hang out at a storage unit near boerum park, which has red soil, hence, muddy red footprint on Morgenthau’s counter.” Lance told Shiro, dumping a pen on the desk as it it were a mic drop.

“That’s fine work, detective.” Shiro said, smiling.

“Thankyou very much, sir.” Lance nodded. “Testament to what can be achieved when you dress appropriately.” He smiled.

“Let’s pound it out!” Lance said, standing up and placing a fist out. He was wearing brightly colored speedo bottoms with no other pants.

Shiro looked down in frustration. “You know what, such fine police work, let’s share it with the whole team.”

“Kogane! Garrett! Altea! Get in here!” Shiro called out. “Bring everyone! And a camera.”

“That’s not necessary.” Lance said, grabbing a file to cover his speedos. “Oh! They’re hear!” He said in mock enthusiasm.

“Let’s have a hand for the work of the fine master detective, Lance McClain.” Shiro announces as everyone walked into the records room.

Hunk looked shocked, Allura was smiling, Ryan looked disappointed, Pidge was smiling evilly and Keith was cracking up.

Everyone started clapping. Pidge held out her phone to video. “Yeah, Nice!” Allura cheered.

Lance held up his hand, nodding in embarrassment. Someone wolf whistled.

“Looking good!” Keith cheered.

“Yeah. Thank you.”

\- - -

Brooklyn Self Storage  
10:14pm

“No record of Ratko on the ledger. Must’ve used cash.” Keith said. He sat in the front seat with Shiro, Lance sitting in the middle seat in the back.

“I for one am just pumped to be on this stake out with you, Captain. You know what my favorite thing about stakeouts is? Patrol guide says ‘no dress code’, so I’m just the zip-up hoodie and my two best friends.” Lance smiled.

“Does he always talk this much?” Shiro asked Keith, ignoring Lance.

“I just tune it out. It’s like a white noise machine.” Keith said.

“Okay, first of all, that’s racist. Secondly, Captain, Ryan told me you caught the disco strangler. That’s incredible. I’ve read that case.” Lance said. “With all due respect, sir, why’d it take you so long to get your first command?”

“Because I’m gay.” Shiro answered bluntly.

Lance chuckled. 

Then after no further word his face went serious. “Wait, seriously?”

Keith turned his head, smirking.

“I’m surprised you didn’t know. I don’t try to hide it.”

Lance furrowed his brows, going back on the day.

~

In the office, a picture framed on the wall was of a news paper article reading ‘Openly Gay Captain Appointed.’

~ ~

“Did anyone else get a little bit of a gay vibe?” Pidge asked

~ ~

“Manscaping.”

~

“Damn!” Lance said as he remembered everything from the day. “I am not a good detective.” 

\- - -

Allura and Hunk sat in a car together not too far away. 

Allura handed Hunk some money. “Here.”

“I felt bad that you spent all that money on those movie tickets.” She said.

“Why don’t you just go to the movies with me?”

“Nope.”

Hunk sighed, grabbing the money from her. “Okay.”

“Well, this is awkward.”

“It’s not awkward.” Allura said. “I like your company. You’re sweet.”

Hunk looked at her for a second, before turning his head and smiling.

\- - -

“When did you come out?” Keith asked. 

“About 25 years ago.” Shiro explained. “The NYPD was not ready for an openly gay detective. But then the old guard died out. Suddenly, they couldn’t wait to show off the fact that they had a highly ranking gay officer. I made captain. But they put me in a public affairs unit. I was a good soldier. I helped recruitment. But all I ever really wanted was my own command. And now I finally got it. And I’m not gonna screw it up.”

“Captain, I’m sorry. I—I feel like a jackass.” Lance sighed while Keith smiled. “But on the flip side, there’s Ratko. Humility over. I’m amazing!”

Everyone in the car was suddenly aware of him and started to get out, putting on bullet proof NYPD vests.

\- - -

Shiro, Keith and Lance all entered the Storage facility. They walked around, torches out and guns pointed down.

“Fantastic. 3000 identical blue doors.” Lance sighed, looking at all the blue doors.

“Looks like we all got door duty.” Shiro said.

Lance nodded. “Ah, Yeah. From before. Good one.” He smiled, before turning to Keith. “You look great.” He whispered before turning his attention forward again.

Him and Shiro stepped forward, holding guns out down both corridors. “Clear.” Shiro said before Lance went down his corridor. Keith and Shiro continued forward.

Shiro and Keith did the same at the end of their corridor. “Clear.” Shiro said again, turning around to where Keith pointed and shun a torch at a janitor.

Keith places a hand forward and made a shoo-ing sign. 

The lady gestered in a big circle. Keith pointed at his vest, then pointed at the NYPD that crossing it in large, bold letters.

The lady spun around, pointing to the ‘maintenance’ printed on the back of her uniform. 

Keith looked furious while Shiro nodded his head forwards. Keith rolled his eyes, sighing, “Okay.”

They walked around the lady, but Keith made sure to whisper-yell in the lady’s ear. “Unbelievable. Un-believable.”

 

Lance walked down his own corridor before noticing a door had no lock on it. He knelt down and lifted the door up.

Inside, a man stood, gun in hand, pointed directly at Lance. 

“Ah.” Lance sighed. “Ratko, Great to see you.”

“You can’t stop me.” He said, holding his gun forward. “I’m going.”

“Actually, you’re not going anywhere.” Lance said, holding his hand out. “‘Cause if you take a look to your left, you’ll see detectives Garrett and Altea.” 

The man looked to his left, seeing Hunk on his knees, gun pointed at Ratko, and Allura standing behind him pointing her gun in the same place.

Lance pointed to the right. “Right there is detective Kogane.”

Ratko looked to where Lance pointed. Keith nodded at him, gun out too.

“And behind you is Captain Shiro.” Lance told him as Ratko looked around to see Shiro pointing a gun at him.

“Point is.. my team has you surrounded.” Lance said. Then his face lit up as he came to a sudden realization. “Oh my God, I just got the tie thing! Captain, I just figured it out.” Lance told Shiro as the perp furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“Maybe now’s not the best time, detective.” Shiro said. 

“It’s a uniform! We’re a team, and the tie is a part of that team’s uniform, right?” Lance continued.

“You ask Ratko what team?” Ratko asked confused.

“No, Ratko, shut up.” Lance said to him. “It’s important to you because you were kept off the team for so long, and now you’re the coach, and you want us to wall wear that same uniform. Boom! Nailed it!”

“Yes, you did. Now just arrest Ratko.” Shiro ordered.

“All right, Ratko, down. Drop the weapon. Hands on your head. Here we go.” Lance said, pointing his gun at him. 

Ratko started bending down, placing the gun on the ground. But then he bolted.

“Hey!”

“He’s running!” Lance screamed, chasing after him.

Keith grabbed out a weapon and hit it hard on Ratko’s legs. 

“Oh!” The man screamed in pain as he hit the floor.

“Got him!” Keith yelled.

“Hands on your back! Hands on your back!” Allura yelled as Hunk bent down to tie his arms behind him.

“Stay down.”

Lance sighed, putting his gun away. “That’s how we do it in the Nine-Nine, sir.” Lance said. “Catch bad guys and look good doing it.”

Lance made an uncomfortable face. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Shiro asked.

“Never took off the speedo. Big mistake.” Lance explained. “It is inside me.” Lance turned around to leave, calling to everyone. “Great work, team!”

Shiro shook his head, smiling.

\- - -

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, it’s a little ooc. I wanted to make Lance the one wanting to date Allura but then he’d have to be two places at once, so it’ll have to be Hunk for now.
> 
> And just to be clear, Shiro is an openly gay Asian officer, not black.  
> Allura and Lance are Latino.  
> Keith is korean.  
> And Hunk is Hawaiian.
> 
> I want to introduce Coran somewhere along the way but idk yet, please suggest.
> 
> Anyway, legit none of this belongs to me.  
> Story is Brooklyn Nine-Nine, copied word for word.  
> Voltron characters


End file.
